Learn to F$%*ing Turn a Corner

Are you a fucking race car driver? Are you driving in the 24 Hours of Le Mans, where wide turns are necessary to maintain speed and traction? If so, then ignore this post; you’re doing just fine and you don’t need our help forgodssake. For the rest of you this is mandatory reading.

You’d think this is perhaps the simplest of them all. Turn the wheel, and the car follows. Stay in your lane. Don’t hit anyone. That would seem like enough, right? But is it? Is it ever enough? Would we be here, writing these pages if anything were ever enough?

So, for those of you (and you are shockingly numerous) who can’t seem to turn the corner without getting in everyone else’s way, here’s a little primer on…

How to Fucking Turn a Corner

1. Approach the corner at a safe speed
2. Signal for your turn, and make your intentions clear
3. STAY IN YOUR LANE* as you approach the turn
4. Slow to a safe turning speed
5. If you’re at a red light, stop and make sure the coast is clear before turning right on red
6. If you’re at a crosswalk, make sure you stop before the crosswalk to ensure it’s clear
7. Once you have made sure the coast is clear, execute your turn
8. Accelerate safely out of the turn
9. Drive away. You’re a fucking champ.

Things Not to Do When Turning a Corner

• *Do not swerve away from the corner to carve a wider arc. Seriously, why would you ever fucking do this unless you’re the aforementioned race car driver? This is unsafe, unnecessary, and (perhaps most important to you) illegal. Do you think you own the fucking road? You don’t. And even if you did…even if you were Nelson Fucking Rockefeller and you’d literally paid for the road yourself… it’s still stupid and wrong. Stay in your fucking lane. Don’t be an asshole.
• Do not take the corner too fast. Yes, this is obvious. So is all this stuff. Know your speed. Don’t be an idiot. If you’re an idiot, don’t drive.
• Don’t take the corner too slow. Once you’re in the midst of the turn, accelerate smoothly through and out of the turn. Your car knows how to do this, even if you don’t. Trust it.
• Don’t over- or under-steer. Over-steering is turning too sharply. Under-steering is going too wide and hitting oncoming traffic. Or a tree. Or whatever. Here’s a hint that works not only in cars, but on motorcycles, on bikes, hell it even works on foot. Look where you want to end up. Generally you go where you’re looking. It’s a natural part of how the brain orients itself to avoid mishaps. Look at the end of the turn, and chances are your brain and body will align to get you there. Don’t look at the ground in the middle of the turn. Don’t look at the things you’re trying to avoid, whether they be other cars, pedestrians, or the curb. Look where you want to end up, and you’ll be surprised at the results.

Okay tiger, you think you got this? You think you can stay out of everyone else’s way now? Great…get out there and show us.