Learn Not To Block The F$%*ing Intersection

This could have been under another heading, a sub-category of other offenses. But it happens enough that we deemed it worthy of its own little missive. And the reason? You keep fucking doing it!

Here’s the scenario: You’ve gone to the mall to get a Cinnabon and a vent√© caramel macchiato. But everyone else is at the mall too. Traffic is the worst, isn’t it?

Driving away from the mall with your coffee in one hand and that sticky treat laid out on your lap, you come to a large intersection. Your light is green, so you just keep on going, oblivious to the cars stopped ahead of you, on the other side of the intersection. The light turns red, and there you are: stuck in the middle of the intersection with nowhere to go.

What do you do? Back up? Change lanes and make some space? Anything at all that would be helpful to other motorists? No…you sit in the middle of the fucking intersection, ignoring the honking and the upturned fingers, and block traffic while you munch and sip, just as clueless and careless as the day you were born. Well, you babe in the woods, you innocent…we’re not amused. And that’s why we’d like to help you understand why you need to:

Stop Blocking the Fucking Intersection!

It’s really quite simple. But then most rules of the road would be simple if you actually acknowledged the reality of other motorists around you. The rule is this:

Don’t Enter The Intersection If You’re Not Confident There Is Room To Get Through It.

See how simple that is? It’s really beautiful in the un-cluttered nature of its logic. Don’t enter if there’s no room to exit.

Still not clear? Not sure how you can be confident? Let’s role-play a little here. I’ll play me, and you play you.

You: Hey I’m going to drive into the intersection!

Me: Are you sure there’s room for you to get through?

You: How on earthy would I ever know? I’m just going to go, and it’ll all work out.

Me: Well, are there cars currently in the intersection ahead of you?

You: Yes, but I’m sure they’ll move out of my way.

Me: Perhaps, but are they moving at all currently?

You: Yes, but slowly. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Me: Okay, why don’t you wait here, without entering the intersection and see what happens.

You: Okay, but this is BORING. I want to DRIVE. [makes “vroom, vrooooom” noises with your mouth]

Me: What color is the traffic light?

You: It’s yellow! I’d better hurry up and go!

Me: Is there room for you to safely exit the intersection?

You: Well, not really… one car is still in the opposite crosswalk. And he’s not moving. But I REALLY want to be OVER THERE!!

Me: It’s probably best you stay here. What color is the light now?

You: It’s red. [Dejectedly] I guess I couldn’t have made it through.

Me: See how simple that was? You didn’t get stuck in the intersection, and you’re not currently in anyone’s way.

You: This sucks!

This simple example demonstrates how easy it is to stay the fuck out of everyone else’s way, if you just acknowlege that there are other people on the road! It’s really that easy. Look around you. Notice the other drivers. Imagine what you might like to experience if you were someone other than yourself. Then imagine how your driving might facilitate, or hinder that, depending on your actions. This ability to imagine the desires of others by putting yourself, as it were, in their place, is called “empathy.” People who demonstrate a lack empathy, at extreme levels (which, let’s be honest, you do) are called “sociopaths.”

Don’t Be A Sociopath. Learn to Fucking Drive.