Learn to F$%*ing Parallel Park

Parallel parking is an art, but it’s not impossible. The basic elements of parallel parking are simple:

  • Go backward. Don’t even try to parallel park going forward.
  • Turn your head, and use your mirrors. In other words: Use Both.
  • Look over your right shoulder, not out the window to your left.
  • Start even with the car you’ll be parked behind.

Step By Step Guide to Fucking Parallel Parking:

  1. Pull up next to the car you’re parking behind, even with their back bumper, and about 18″-24″ away.
  2. Begin backing up slowly, and turn the steering wheel all the way to the right. Watch your right-hand mirror, and make sure your car will not hit the back-left corner of theirs.
  3. Once you’re angled into the open space, straighten your wheel, and back into the space. You should be aiming for the curb, about half-way through the open space.
  4. When you’re about 3 feet from the curb, turn your wheel sharply, all the way to the left.
  5. As you continue to back slowly in, watch the front right corner of your car, and make sure you don’t hit the car in front.
  6. Once clear of the car in front, use a combination of your rear-view mirror, side mirrors, and looking over your right shoulder, to back squarely into the space, optimally about 12 inches (and no more than 18 inches) from the curb.
  7. Center yourself in the open space.
  8. Get out and admire your handiwork.

Important things to remember when Parallel Parking:

  • Go Slow.
  • Start your turns early.
  • Practice. You need to have a feel for the size of your car to park effectively.
  • If you’re not properly aligned, pull out and start again.  This is pretty much true for anything in life.